So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
