I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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