I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're not piercing ourselves today.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
