I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
