Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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