Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
