apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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