the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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