i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
