the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
