mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
