The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
