I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
