we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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