My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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