Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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