I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
