So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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