When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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