The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
