you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
