there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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