I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
