He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
