too bad you live with your parents still
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
