i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
