youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
