i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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