why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
