I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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