If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
