Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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