I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Someone signed my nipple.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
