hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
