I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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