At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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