You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
