So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
