mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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