24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
