Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
