Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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