k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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