i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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