We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
