You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
