my phone needs a breathalizer
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
