we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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