I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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