There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
