Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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