that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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