Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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