Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
